Unveiling the Favorite Child: Discover the Essential Traits Parents Cherish Most
Parental favoritism can have profound effects on children, influencing their mental health and interpersonal relationships. A recent study reveals that many parents unconsciously favor daughters, firstborns, and children who exhibit conscientious and agreeable traits. Understanding this aspect of family dynamics is crucial for fostering a healthy environment for all siblings.
While some families may not follow the same trends, research indicates a pattern where certain characteristics tend to attract parental favoritism. According to a study published in the Psychological Bulletin, parents often show preferential treatment towards daughters, firstborns, and children displaying conscientious attributes.
“I personally found the findings about daughters to be the most interesting,” stated Alexander Jensen, PhD, the lead author and associate professor at Brigham Young University’s School of Family Life. “Based on some past research, I assumed mothers favored daughters and fathers favored sons. I’ve taught that in my courses, but we found that both mothers and fathers favored daughters.”
Parental favoritism, often referred to as preventive differential treatment (PDT), can lead to various negative outcomes such as difficulties in relationships and decreased academic success. Jensen emphasizes the importance of recognizing which children may be receiving less attention.
Understanding Sibling Favoritism
To uncover the conditions under which favoritism occurs, Jensen and his team analyzed over 30 journal articles, dissertations, and databases involving nearly 20,000 participants. They focused on how aspects like birth order, gender, temperament, and personality could influence parental treatment.
Key findings from the research include:
- Daughters and Conscientious Traits: Daughters, along with children who are responsible, agreeable, and organized, were more likely to receive favorable treatment.
- Conflict Resolution: Favorably treated children experienced fewer conflicts with their parents.
- Parenting Ease: Favoritism often stems from the perception that agreeable children are easier to parent, as noted by Joseph Laino, PsyD from NYU Langone Health.
- Older Siblings: Parents typically grant older siblings more freedom due to the belief that they are more mature.
Interestingly, the gender of the parent played a limited role in determining favoritism. However, Jensen clarifies that these findings are not universal. “There are families where parents favor sons, or where fathers favor daughters and mothers favor sons,” he explains.
Ultimately, Jensen hopes that the study encourages parents to engage in self-reflection regarding their parenting practices. “Recognize that you may be inclined to give one child the benefit of the doubt more than another,” he suggests.
Addressing Parental Favoritism
Being the non-favored sibling can have lasting ramifications. Studies indicate that while favored children often enjoy better mental health and more robust relationships, those who feel less favored may experience heightened risks of mental health issues, unhealthy relationships, and poor academic performance.
As noted by MK Clarkin, LCSW, executive clinical director at Lifestance, parents must take signs of PDT seriously. These signs may include:
- Acting out or disruptive behavior
- Demanding one-on-one time with parents
- Exhibiting resentment towards siblings
If any of these signs are observed, Clarkin advises parents to:
- Engage in open discussions about their children’s feelings.
- Find creative solutions to address each child’s needs.
Strategies to Promote Equal Treatment
To mitigate favoritism, consider implementing the following strategies:
- Reflect on Parenting Styles: Consistently evaluate your parenting approach and its impact on each child.
- Show Interest: Take an interest in your children’s hobbies and passions.
- Encourage Open Dialogue: Ask your child open-ended questions about their experiences and interests.
- Spend Quality Time: Dedicate intentional time for activities that involve all siblings.
- Avoid Comparisons: Discourage comparisons between children.
- Promote Sibling Bonds: Encourage your children to build close relationships with each other.
- Model Healthy Communication: Demonstrate and encourage transparent and supportive dialogue.
Moreover, it’s crucial for parents to communicate to their children that sometimes certain siblings may require additional attention due to specific needs. This explanation helps to ensure that every child understands that their value and love from their parents remain unchanged, even in different circumstances.
